Can I get some advice about this guy i like but first I have to tell you the story ?

Ok so I work at a place where if u get in a relationship with a manager u get fired and he's the manager so that's one barrier. Plus he has a girlfriend but me and him use to sneak and talk through emails but I was trying to be in a relationship with him any way because I know there was going to be boundaries and limits and I wanted the same respect as his girl but he thinks it's going to be like I'm his sex buddy even though we haven't did anything yet and all this started like 3 months ago but recently I been feeling like I been playing myself and he's been avoiding me lately I just want to talk to him and see what's going on and see what he says or should I just leave it alone and never speak to him again or act nonchalant I have to see him at work all the time I don't know what to do I dont want to seem hurt mad and pathetic and desperate but I still care... Helllpppp plzzz